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» » Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart
Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart e-book


Paul Kivel






Social Sciences

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Ballantine Books (March 1, 1995)





Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart e-book

by Paul Kivel

In a world that thrives on aggression and physical force, male violence has become an all-too-frequent response to the frustrations and anxieties that fill men's lives. As a result, the lives of women and children have suffered dramatically, as society has come to tolerate their victimization.Using the unique program at the Oakland Men's Project in California as a basis, Paul Kivel, one of its founding members, shares an extraordinary approach to stopping male violence. The key is understanding and evading the cultural forces that box men in and often reward them for violent behavior. Through exercises, thought-provoking questions, and intense self-examination, Men's Work helps men learn new rules and new roles in personal relationships and in the world at large.Men's Work gives back to men the power and responsibility they need to unlearn the lessons of control and aggression. Going beyond the mythology of the current men's movement, this revolutionary work identifies and develops the social and political framework on which to place men's individual efforts to recover their humanity.From the Paperback edition.
I'm a youngish guy looking for an introduction to feminism and was recommended this book.

What this book is is a comprehensive rundown of most types of male violence in our time and place. This encompasses relationship violence, racism, male privilege, pornography, child abuse, drug abuse, negative stereotypes etc.

Here you can learn about the worst-of-the worst in male violence, from someone whose experience comes from prison and school outreach programs. As expected, the revelations of the basis of violent thought in childhood, upbringing and cultural conditioning is explained with great insight and nuance.

For a man, this provides a very long checklist of behaviors to measure one's own violent tendencies. For a woman, this provides insights into how violent men are raised, how they think, and what kind of people they are.

One poignant part is the author's remark that child molesters and wife batterers look and normally act just like normal people. No fangs or horns or anything. I feel that this is healthy, to assume that violent people are human beings before attempting to fix them. If you want to change someone's mind, you can't ignore them or treat them like monsters, but it helps to empathize with them and help them unpack who and what taught them to behave in a way that hurts others. Some people don't have it in them to break bread with sinners, but thank god for those who do, such as the author.

If you are looking for a book that runs the gamut of male violence, this one seems pretty thorough and practical. Although it colors outside of the lines in going into collective bargaining and autobiographical content, the focus is narrow with no time spent on explaining edge conditions, nonviolent communication techniques, anger management techniques, any techniques at all really.

This book does not acknowledge that women could be violent, or that pornography could be healthy, that women consume pornography, that not all men are naturally violent. This book portrays one type of father, who is unaffectionate, unsympathetic, aggressive, distant, and reinforcing of patriarchal stereotypes. It reminds me of the deeply conflicted marine corps father in American Beauty. I've seen dads just like this, they're real, out there ruining families right now, but they're a bit of a throwback and I'm not sure they're the norm. Anyone who reads this book at some point will say "you're right, but that's not the whole story". There's some emotional violence in this book towards (stereotypical) masculine tendencies that are not always unhealthy, such as protectiveness, toughness and attraction to women's appearance. To take indiscriminate violence against masculinity to heart, a male reader may subtly hate himself for his innocent harmless natural traits.

I feel an excellent companion to this book is [...]. Once Men's Work has identified your unhealthy ways of expressing negative feelings, nonviolent communication will help the reader resolve their problems with empathy, and no doubt more effectively.
Looking to delve into anti-misogynistic work and have found it hard to find applicable material....or material in general. This work is practical, filled with exercises, and touching/sad insights into Kivel's own journey. I would love to be able to find a POC persons take on this same focus.
This is not just a book on how to combat domestic violence; it is a social justice primer for all.
This is another very useful book. For a counselor to reference and choose to lecture from. Just another tool to work with.
This book is great! The author is extremely honest about the inner emotions and thoughts of men. He talks in depth about what causes violence in men.
This book allows the reader to look at life through a man perspective. It helps the reader understand why a man may choose to do the things he does and why. It is great tools for all readers male/female to see were we may need to change the way we raise our children. I believe that everyone will be able to relate to this book, and compare it to there own lives. Totally worth the money!

Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence That Tears Our Lives Apart
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